MARRIAGE: BABIES. PEACEFUL SLEEP
It is far better to let baby sleep peacefully on, and enjoy him when he does wake up. Common sense is essential, for parents can make a rod for their own backs which will endure for a long, long time. Let this be a salutary warning! You are listening to the voice of experience. I’ve watched countless hundreds (probably thousands) of marital situations, and I have developed rather firm ideas on child care over the past few decades.
As the baby develops into an infant, and then into a child, let the authority of the parent come through. Certainly give lots of T.L.C. (tender loving care, in case you didn’t know), but be firm. If you give instructions, make certain they are sensible and practical. Then make sure they are carried out by your offspring.
Obedience is vital. However, it is futile to smack your infant every time he does something “naughty.” It takes time for him to learn what is right and wrong. I often shudder as I watch unthinking mothers yelling instructions (usually meaningless) at their children, and then slapping them firmly (to the point of tears) when they do not obey. Often the instructions are ridiculous to start with, the child is probably totally unaware of what the instruction means, and is even more overwhelmed with dismay and despair when punished for reasons unknown.
Give instructions in terms understandable to the child. Remonstrate if you are certain he disobeys you willfully. Punish rarely, and only when it is definitely indicated. Punish on the spot, not two hours later when the relationship to the disobedience is totally lost. Do not wait till dad comes home and load the responsibility onto him.
By doing this, the relationship is also lost. I’ve seen parents do this, with the task of punishment delegated to the father. In some cases this will cause a permanent rift between the child and parent, the child believing that his father is really being cruel and unjust.
Never forget that the child’s subconscious mind is working like a sponge. His inbuilt computer is absorbing and storing everything going on. If unjust things are occurring, these will be recorded in his memory banks, and adverse feelings against a parent may linger on for ever. Occurrences in early life may have their repercussions in later life, most likely in adolescence, when the child really resents one or both parents, and will willfully go out of his way to make life hard for them. Or probably he will simply pack up and leave home. Never underrate the long-term consequences of things that you do when your children are young.
Of course, it is only stupidity to punish your child as a release for your own anger. How often have you seen a mother beating a child merely because she was in a bad mood, or because somebody had upset her? The child, being the nearest object over which she had some control, bears the brunt of her anger. Make sure you do not fall into this trap, for there may be adverse long-term disadvantages which could bring heartache to you as time goes by.
I believe that children can bring an enormous amount of joy and fun. For sure, they also bring a lot of hard work. They cost money to clothe and feed and educate. But this is far outweighed by the sheer delights their presence can generate. To my mind there is nothing more rewarding than seeing the face of a happy child, recounting some incident, some success or some undertaking. Fortunately these episodes are repeated over and over. A parent attuned to receiving such moments of happiness will have memories to treasure which will never fade.
Never forget that children are worth listening to. Today, many parents are “too busy,” or “haven’t time” to sit quietly and spend time with their children. As children become older, they become observant, intelligent and interesting. Often they can bring new meaning to life. I am certain that parents, who make the effort to spend a little time each day with their children, will get closer to them than parents who are too involved with their own affairs.
It is during these heart-to-heart private talks that ideals can be implanted into the fertile, developing minds. And I don’t just mean little ones. This is an on-going process and can continue for as long as the children are at home.
Rather than preach to the children, friendly, two-way discussions, are more meaningful, more productive, and more beneficial, to the parents as well as the children.
*14/76/5*
